Convincing a client is not a sales skill

… It’s anybody’s skill.

Trying to persuade a client is not the most effective approach. In the best case, clients might be persuaded because they have no better alternative, but this doesn’t mean they are convinced. And this could prove dangerous, especially during the execution of your solution. Every setback could be used against you…

Imagine below an example with you as a parent:

…Your daughter has some homework to do but needs your help. You have a look and you immediately explain how she should do the exercise. But then she says “this is not how my teacher told me to do it”. At first, you might be puzzled and even tempted to think (or say!) that the teacher is wrong (or stupid!). You are so convinced that your way is the only way. But when you see your child upset, your caring instinct hopefully takes over, and you start asking questions; you take your time; you sit next to her and you try to understand what the exercise is about and why the teacher wants her to do this exercise in a certain way. Once you finally get it, you can share your understanding with your child and start doing the exercise in the way it was intended. And guess what? The final approach is probably not the one you thought at first. Why do we do this for our children and not often enough for our clients?

The neuroscience behind this is quite simple. Based on our experiences in the past, our values, thoughts or drivers, our brain has created its own framework through which we interpret the world. The bias here is that our brain thinks that our framework is ‘the only’ framework and that everyone is using the same. But nothing is further from the truth… Everybody have their own framework. In fact, when we are trying to convince someone, we are trying to attract people in our frame – out of theirs. While it might sometimes be necessary, it’s rarely the case. Most of the time, the solution does not require them to get out of their frame.

So how should we go about it?

The art is to show that you care about them and build up your knowledge and insight from within the framework of your client. This means a full understanding of your client’s drivers, beliefs, etc. You are seeking how to bring your help to their frame. The 3 crucial skills are:

ASKING – LISTENING – PREPARING

The most effective people are those who are the best at asking for what they want. You ask questions to uncover real needs and concerns. You ask questions to illuminate objections and problems that people might have with what you are suggesting. You ask questions to expand the conversation and to increase your understanding of where people are really coming from.

You get your message understood by getting out of yourself, by putting your ego aside, and by focusing all of your attention on the other person (Listening). When you show that you really care, you get people to do the things you want them to do by presenting your arguments in terms of their interests, in terms of what they want to be and have and do.

You prepare thoroughly in advance of any important conversation or meeting. This means that you should research first the matter thoroughly, prepare for questions about issues, challenges and risks, etc…that will force your client to start thinking differently about the problem. Try also to have a clear goal for yourself in every meeting and give yourself the time to come up with the adequate approach to achieve it.

The ability to communicate and getting your ideas across is a skill that everybody can learn by becoming genuinely interested in people and by putting their needs ahead of your own when sending a message or asking them to do something for you. When you concentrate your attention on building trust, on the one hand, and on seeking to understand, on the other hand, you’ll become known and respected as a trusted advisor everywhere you go. Additional persuasion or influencing skills might help a bit in certain cases but are mostly of no use to genuinely convince people.

Good luck,

Peter Janssens

Business psychologist and co-founder of WinIgnite (experts in customer interaction)